Republicans meet in the Land of Dreams
This past week the Southern Republican Leadership Conference (SRLC) was held on New Orleans, scene of one of the great triumphs of Republican leadership, the response to Hurricane Katrina. (This organization should not be confused with the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, which is concerned with compassion and equality for all US citizens, regardless of race or creed.) One of the highlights of this meeting was the speech by former representative and House Speaker, Newt Gingrich. He was greeted with cheers after railing at President Obama’s “secular socialist machine.” It was clear that he was against secular socialism (ASS), and the enthusiastic crowd was full of ASSes as well. Gingrich is a particular kind of ASS, a smart-ASS. A former history teacher, we should expect a certain knowledge of the subject from him. Yet, this ASS referred to Obama’s White House as "the most radical administration in America's history." Because he is a smart-ASS, we can assume that he knows better. We can also assume that he knew his audience wouldn’t know any better, because they are mostly dumb-ASSes. (See Sarah Palin, below.) Gingrich knows that Republican president Theodore Roosevelt produced far more radical changes in US society and proposed even more, including universal health care. Since Gingrich is such a smart-ASS, we must further assume that he is simply a liar. But, this is in keeping with his public record. He informed his first wife that he was divorcing her, and was carrying on an affair with a woman on his staff, while his wife was in the hospital recuperating from cancer surgery. He stayed married to Victim NUmber 2 for nearly 20 years, but divorced her as well while carrying on yet another affair with yet another woman. This ASS was, at the same time, excoriating President Clinton for his relationship with an intern. Since he has recently converted to Catholicism, divorce is out of the question. If I were his wife, I would hire a food taster. Newt Gingrich, smart-ASS and moral pygmy. Apologies to pygmies everywhere. Another speaker was Liz Cheney, daughter of Dick Cheney, and sterling example of a hard-ASS. Her father is the living god of hard-ASSes, and a hypocrite of biblical proportions. She was born while Dick was enjoying one of his five draft deferments, avoiding service in Vietnam, just like the aforementioned Gingrich. Both of these men have been willing to let other people die in the service of questionable goals, but not them, thank you. And, since Liz Cheney is healthy and full of the same hard-ASS beliefs as her dad, we might have expected her to join the service. But, holding to family tradition, she punked out as well. This is the same woman who said of Obama, “people are fundamentally uncomfortable and fundamentally I think increasingly uncomfortable with an American president who seems to be afraid to defend America, stand up for what we believe in." Like a typical Republican-style hard-ASS, she is also a sleazy-ASS. But, the so-called “red meat” for this crowd had to have been Sarah Palin, the leading GOP dumb-ASS, and the dumb-ASS centerfold and poster child. Perhaps you think this is harsh. Let’s see. Whether Palin is genuinely stupid can be a matter for debate. That she is willfully ignorant is not. She is incurious and uninformed. She has no experience on a national level, other than what she has been force-fed since her nomination. She called out Obama for being unable to speak without a Teleprompter, then got busted writing crib notes on her hand for a TV appearance. If this is not a dumb-ASS then what is she? She is a demonstrated quitter, having left the Alaska governorship in a fit of pique before her first term was finished, so she is a punk-ASS. And, her address to the SRLC was a rehash of her failed vice-presidential campaign with a few extra anti-Obama “witticisms” added. The dumb-ASSes in the crowd ate it up, but they really don’t know any better. Such are the heroes of the SRLC, a confederacy of ASSes of various stripes. Maybe the GOP should start using the donkey as its symbol, or some crazy-ASS thing.