0409 am 'Get This' news


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Air date: 
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 5:00pm

 Get This:  The newest Bushism: “ethnosectarian” – It means attacks on the Green Zone are up. Chris Andreae 04/09/08  

  1. Keepers of the Green:  The Yakima, Colville, Umatilla and Warm Springs tribes cut a $900 million dollar deal with the government.  In exchange for the Big Green, the tribes have agreed to bow out of the long-running lawsuit over operating dams along the Columbia and Snake Rivers.  From now on, the Indians are okay with the existing hydroelectric dams that are driving fish to extinction. 
  2. It gets worse:  The Columbia River Gorge Commission voted to amend the management plan for the Gorge National Scenic Area (Great!  Now they can amend the name to the Gorge National Dead Zone Theme Park – Brought to You by Brawndo, The Thirst Mutilator).  The plans for the ever-larger destination resort at the old Broughton Lumber Mill are officially cleared for take-off – which means that the Warm Springs Gorge casino is just a nanosecond behind on the old Gravy Train.  (Here’s the thing:  When the Columbia River Gorge is declared a Superfund Site, when the fish are all gone, the land and the water a festering cloacae, infrastructure in ruins,  taxes and profits extraOregonarily rendered unto the Nikkei Stock Exchange,  residents, fled, dead or in rehab, at least we can tell ourselves, ‘Yeap!  We got our money’s worth!    Thank Gawd for tribal nations’ respect for the land and their enduring environmental traditions and deep understanding of Mother Earth.  Now excuse me while I go cash in my chips…)
  3. Ron Wyden wants the Federal Energy Commission (Otherwise know as the Dick “Dick” Cheney Memorial Money Hole) to let states decide where the natural gas companies can put their fucking LNG plants.  (And while we are gathered here at the old pipeline, may I suggest a flaming gas enema for the Northern Star board of directors, the Oregon Economic Development Commission, partners in the Palomar pipeline, NW Natural and anyone else connected to this fuckwit deal with the Devil?).  Regarding the ‘burning’ question, Where should we stick the LNG plants, well, elementary, my dear Wyden…
  4. Hillary Clinton says that not only can she answer the phone faster, sprint across tarmac quicker than Barack Obama, but she is also more opposed to LNG.
  5. Kulongoski wants to cap and trade carbon.  A bit like breaking out the connies after the “balloon has gone up.”
  6. The rich are getting richer.
  7. Portland parents of kindergarten-through- eight graders are adjusting to school days again without the burden of being fucked braindead by Vicki Phillips at every PPS meeting.
  8. Proof that “Our children is learning”:  Hackers linked the Blue Mountain Community College website to an internet treasure trove of hardcore porn.  A little education is a beautiful thing…
  9. General Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker were on Capitol Hill yesterday blowing smoke out  their arses regarding the glorious victories America is winning in Iraq.  Protestors were out in force.  The Green Zone is under constant bombardment.  Embassy personnel have been told to remain under “hardened cover” (Presumably this means under their desks…), Moqtada al-Sadr has threatened to end the Madhi Army ceasefire (It was the last bit of baling wire holding the country together, and stone-cold proof that the “surge” had about as much to do with the last few months of relative calm in Iraq as camel spit has to do with a dose of the clap…but I digress…Yesterday’s testimony went a little like this: ‘Iran, troop surge, ethnosectarian, Iran, Iran, surge, Iran, ethnosectarian, Iran, ethnosectarian.  But Wait!  This “ethnosectarian” violence that reared its ugly head!  What is this thing they are calling “ethnosectarian”.  The ‘sectarian’ obviously refers to Sunni-Shiite contretemps.  But ‘ethno’?  Ahhhhhhh…Yes!  That must refer to the recent turn of events in which we see Iraqis attacking the occupiers.
  10. Snake Oil:  Not to be outdone in feckless, tin-pot rhetoric, Democratic lawmakers want Iraq to pay for its own reconstruction out of ‘oil revenues’ – or whatever is left after massive US bombing raids on the port city of Basra.
  11. The FBI can feel you thinking…
  12. Better hold that thought: Condoleeza Rice is going to be McCain’s running mate.  (Yeehaw!  Let the games begin!  That’s definitely ‘two the hard way’…)
  13. Torcher Trot:  San Francisco is rolling out the ‘welcome mat’ for the Genocide Olympics fire-on-a-stick.  Tibet, Darfur…oh, and let’s not forget China’s own citizens who are routinely “disappeared” only to show up a few months later in the form of harvested organs currently residing inside some dyspeptic old buggar on his million dollar yacht…
  14. Don’t Ask:  A nuclear plant in Wisconsin was evacuated and shut down because a clerk in a quickie-mart thought that a customer had said he was going to blow the plant up.  The fellow was actually just a new employee asking directions to the place.
  15. Bush is out there drilling for oil in a whale habitat.  (Whale oil, anyone?)
  16. America’s entire water system - thousands of miles and a hundred years’ worth pure, sweet anachronism is washed up and now we’re going to need someone to buy us a new one.  Evian?  Iraq?  France? Zorg’s Intergalactic Plumbing Co. from the planet Xqgpr?  (I suppose there’s always Brawndo…)
  17. Happy Deathday, Baghdad!  America declared victory over you a mere five years ago.  My how time flies…
  18. The CIA rendered fourteen prisoners to Jordan.
  19. A Hungry Mob is a Hungry Mob:  A hungry mob attached the presidential palace in the Haitian capital, Port-au-Prince.  (Perhaps they forgot that the “president” hiding under his desk in there is no more a duly elected representative to the Haitian people than George W. Bush is the American president…)


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