Thursday I'd be preparin' to launch PrrressWench with Peter Leeson, who has written "The Invisible Hook," (get it?), a history of the democracies that we call historic pirate society. 'Tis an eye opener and no mistake.

I needed PIRATES who'd be ready to say "ARRRGH" a lot in the background.

And then I needed rum! A lot of rum!

How did the pirate raise his mast?

He used a wench!

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?